There are too many naturals and would-be naturals living in fear of what other people are going to say and think about their natural hair texture. Their minds are filled with thoughts like,
“Will I be able to get a job?”
“Keep my job”
“Keep my man?”
“Get a man?”
“Will everyone stare at me?"
"Will my mother get mad?”
Question after question, fear after fear, one bad expectation after the next, I wonder;
How much of that mindset is based in reality and how much is based on our own bias against our hair?
I wonder if our experience with our hair isn’t more of a reflection of our inner struggle than it is a reflection of reality.
I understand there are women who are in fact dealing with negative reactions to their hair change. I have read blogs and watched the videos. But I wonder if these same women could be having these experiences because it’s what they expected. Like I said in my post “Perhaps The Only One Thinking About Your Hair Is You”, I was so unhappy with my TWA. I just knew others were talking about it or thinking I looked ugly. I was getting my nails done one day and I just knew the nail tech hated my hair. Did she say anything? No. But because I was so convinced my hairstyle wasn't very flattering on me, I expected everyone else who saw me to feel the exact same way. I was waiting and almost inviting others to have a problem with my hair. More than likely I was wrong and the nail tech wasn't even thinking about my hair, but my insecurities were very real. I hated my hairstyle and therefore I was prepared for others to hate it as well. So, in a way, that experience in the nail shop was a negative experience but only because my bias towards my hair made it one.
Don’t get me wrong, yes there are going to be people who dislike your hair, but
“oh well!”.
There are going to be people who dislike your clothes, your career choice, who you voted for, the car you drive… You are never going to be able to please everyone with your decisions and your hair is no different. Just because others don't like it... what does that have to do with you?
Are you living just to please them? No! You are living your life for a purpose. You were placed here for a reason and more than likely that reason has very little , if anything to do with making other people happy with each and every decision you make.
I want to challenge those of you who think the world is against your hair to consider, that maybe it’s just you. You’re the one against your hair and you are the one thinking all sorts of horrible things about it. Do I blame you for having less than loving feelings towards your kinky curly or highly textured hair? No. I don’t blame you one bit.
Over the course of our lives, we as black women have been told in more ways than one that we don't quite measure up. Whether it was a family member, or a peer from school or work, the absence of faces that look like yours and mine (historically) making it to the People magazines most beautiful lists.
The message has been spread far and wide, “Change and then you’ll be beautiful!” Back in the day with his eye opening film, Good Hair, Chris Rock showed how our hair was practically worthless. In it he showed that no one wanted to buy our hair, yet on almost every corner in our community you can buy hair that grows freely out of the scalps of other women. Alot of our role models and cultural beauty icons wouldn't be caught dead without their purchased hair. So, no, I do not blame you for not being excited about the hair that you are now learning to care for. But I do want you to know,
what you think about your hair is ultimately going to shape your experience.
My encouragement to you; don't waste any time worried about what anyone has to say about your hair until you get to a place where you are confident in yourself!
Don't ask for opinions or even wonder about other people's opinions until you make up your mind that your hair is beautiful. Because until you get your mind right you may be inadvertently or subconsciously allowing yourself to walk into situations a stronger minded person would be able to handle; yet in your state of uncertainty and doubt, it turns out to be a negative experience.
You can be your own worst enemy, don't be! Set yourself up for success by taking the necessary steps. Change the Narrative! Start having a better inner conversation with yourself about yourself.
A great place to start getting your mind right is here.
Can you relate to this? Please leave a comment.
Much Love,
Sunshine
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